The worst period...
I am in my worst period of my life right now. I have to make this huge decision. Never had myself stuck in this dilemma this time. I'm asking God to help me too. Why wasn't God with me when I was having my exams? I only have myself to blame for not having faith in him, for not asking God to help me in time but only just now when my results was going to release. I did not turn to God and remembered about him when I needed him the most. I saw the worst thing that happened to me. I failed not one but two subjects this time. And one of it was the same subject I failed last sem - Introductory Accounting. I did thought I may pass this time cause it came out all calculations but I just cannot manage to balance the equation in the blanace sheet. The other subject was Macroecons and I dun mind having to repeat this actually. My main hatred is having to repeat IA for a second time. Did I not put in enough effort? I really felt I did this time. I started off studying earlier compared to the last time but also spent a lot of time on the computer. But I immediately breakdown to tears when I called Adeline over the phone. I was all alone at home so I really couldn't hold back my depression.
I know when I break this news to my parents, their main concern is still the money issue. About wasting 10K before and now gonna waste another 10K for the same subjects? Now my sis is telling me and discouraging me that I may not be suited to marketing afterall. Perhaps adminstrative will suit me better. I guess I should blame myself since Primary Six for not doing well and all ending up in Normal Acad, then O levels getting a 25 points for L1R4 which ended me up in engineering without a choice. I could have get into marketing in poly if I had worked harder the very last time....
My dilemma now is: Should I carry on with my studies or quit school and find work? Then regret cause the job I find may not be what I want. But if I do carry on studies, am I able to make it again next sem? I keep having this pessimistic thinking but no choice I was confident that I may pass IA afterall, in the end, being confident or optimistic always never works for me. My love life is a flop, my studies are worst...My family and all are thinking that money is all wasted with me having to repeat the same subject over and over again. And gotta pay extra next time. And I won;t be in the same class as my classmates and won't grad in time with them anyway. I'll be in the same sem as my juniors which is Gary and Meiling's class, That is if I managed to smooth my way thru. I have to wait for Rohana to call and inform me of the interview date right now. Hopefully I'm able to convince the contact manager to let me take 1 of my sem 3 subjects. I did not fare well for the other subjects too. My comm law just passed and my other marketing subject is only borderline.
My dad tells me to make my own decision and whether if I continue to study, am I able to give up on my other things? Like tv, internet and all. I will tell myself to study and have fun at the same time. As in my free time, I'll motivate myself to study. But I need the help of friends too. To push me and perhaps form study groups and all. In poly, I had those, it is whether I wanna join them or not. But I can't bear to quit school cause I cannot let go of a lot of things. Being a student, my friends, council and the dream of doing marketing in future. Unless I'm able to get a marketing job, even being an marketing coordinator assisting the marketing team will be good too. At least I get to learn and experience doing it. I really need to decide. I may need pple to teach me econs and accounting. Someone who is accountant or studying accounting as major if I really do carry on. I hope God will help me make a decision. I need God to help me decide what path to choose from right now....
Labels: decision, exams, RMIT
[x] Shireen signing out at
Xmas Shopping Spree!!!
Went on a Xmas shopping spree with Jo on Sat. I met him at Lakeside MRT at 4pm. We went to Orchard. I really went on shopping for Xmas gifts for my aunts and grandparents. Only managed to bought one black skirt from ISetan Mjphosis for $48.30. I used my $30 Isetan voucher I got from the pageant and paid the remaining $18.30 by card. I'm gonna wear that for Xmas eve and for CNY. To us, shopping for our own Xmas gifts (paid by relatives) have gotta be clothes if possible to wear for CNY. Otherwise we would have to pay for our own clothes for CNY. I had wanted to get a Levi's jeans for myself. But now the designs in Levi's don't look nice as before. Have buttons except for the straight but flare bottom 599. Besides, the tag for Levi's have changed. The older design looked nicer with the Levi's Strauss wordings on the tag. Now nothing on the tag. I never went shopping for very long time and never once bought so many things back. Of course not all are mine at all. Luckily got Jo help me carry them. I had thought I needed to buy Xmas cards to give to friends, but in the end, when I got home, then I realised I still have a lot left from last year. I still have to think of what to buy for my sis, mum, dad and kai they all. I went to The BOdy Shop first thing and went to get the soap set for $12.90. I bought two sets (Oceania and Moonflower). The envelope wrap this year was super huge and they said it was the smallest size. Only colour compared to last year. Then we went to buy drinks and snacks to fill our hunger first before we went down to Paragon and I bought a talcum powder from Marks and Spencer for my grandmother. I remebered that I needed to buy a bathroom slippers for my grandfather as the last pair I bought for him had worn out.
Think that was all the things that I bought that day. Then we headed down to Scott's Shopping Centre for dinner. We had wanted to go to Pastamania there but then Jo wanted to try Ajisen Ramen so we went there instead. He tried the Black Pepper Beef Ramen and I took the Miso Cha Shu Ramen. Then after dinner opp the Ajisen Ramen, I spotted handphone shop and the phone I wanted to buy Nokia 6101 was having an offer for plan upgrade can buy for $118. I was super excited about it and all. Thinking I could finally changed my hp, but the next day when I wanted to bring my dad down to sign for the upgrade. I decided to call up CCK branch and ask about the offer and the colour available. White was definitely out of stock and upgrade needed 20 mths and above. I thought mine was more than 18 mths at least. But I went to M1 website to check and it was only 16 mths plus and my sis refused to exchange the upgrade with me first. She said what if few months time she thinking of changing her plan...So we still went to Lot 1, at the carpark my dad then promised that wait for few mths time, the price becomes $0, he'll buy for me then. I made him promised even if it's like $100 plus or less but still need to pay for it, will he still buy for me. He promised me he will and give to me as present. So I took his word for it. My sis spotted a new Nokia phone that she liked too. She'll wait for the price to drop.
I had Yami Yoghurt with my sis. I never really tried Yami Yoghurt. It's sour but unique taste as an ice cream. Then while walking around, we saw this Apple Telecom selling the same phone at only $88 with plan upgrade. However, it's Singtel so my dad went in to enquire if his plan qualifies but his plan is less than a year till 28th this month. So I'll just wait for it patiently....
Yesterday went KTV with Rach, Kai and Jo after church at Clementi and we took some pics of course. Stupid poses too. Cause we needed to go back to church to have meeting with Pastor Soh about the starting of Young Adults Group. The meeting went on for 1 hour and we went back once again into Pastor Soh's office. That was like 8 years ago when we were having Confirmation Class and we were the first batch of students for this class too. Had lots of fond memories there...We decided to meet up again on 12th Dec at 4pm to go to bookshop to look for materials and after that go out for dinner together with Pastor Soh. I'm thinking of whether to take leave or not...
Labels: KTV, shopping
[x] Shireen signing out at
I went for the Student Council's AGM just now. I know this meeting is to introduce the new positions and promotions of people becoming ex-co. I'm quite unhappy about this actually. But still I can't tell this to any of them. I mean I understand that promotions and all is based on people's efforts put into council activities. I participated every meeting and events and activities though I did not do any planning, but still I helped out. But what do I get in return? Not a single position or recognition. There are people who hasn't contributed much or just attended meetings and they got a position. Be it a small position will be good too. At least it shows that you are being recognised. I'm the only senior councillor and the only sem 2 who hasn't got any positions at all in my dept. How pitiful is that? Not that I do not want to plan or organise any events (Sports Day and Island Quest), I had no chance at all. And I had always wanted to organise activities that's why I joined Events dept. Even freshies who never even done much has a position. My friend who is also in my sem have been promoted straight to Events Head. Even my best friend Meiling has become part of ex-co. Her dept's quite small too so the head knows her well. Been into competitions together and all. She becomes the Student Relations Officer. Even Jooe is the Editorial Laison Officer. I dun mind being a Laison Officer for Events, at least my time in SC won't be pointless and meaningless. Only becoming part of ex-co, your testimonial and resume will look nicer. I admit I joined council not because of the position and all and recognition. But no wonder people has the misconception about Student Council. My thinking has started to change with the others. That whatever we did for council, we do not have any recognition. Just thanks and gratitude. My name was never mentioned at all like I was invisible and low profile among the others which is not. But when I see all my other friends gets recognition besides myself, trust me, you'll be pissed off. You participate in each and every activity too. Believe me, for my semester, I am sort of the only active member of council who is not given any title. I have volunteered to be the committee for events held next sem. I have already volunteered for Sports Day and Event 01 (Island Quest style). I dunno if I can still show the same passion I had for Council as before, but fortunately I'm a person who forgets easily after letting out and after the next day, so I guess I will. As long as I dun keep thinking about the unfairness and all...But I know it'd be hard at the beginning next sem when you start to involve in council activities again...But I'll get over it soon enough. I can fall down and pick myself up easily.....
Labels: AGM, council, RMIT
[x] Shireen signing out at