My holidays started off earlier than my any other friends cause I only had two papers this sem. This was the 1st time I managed to enjoy Labour Day as a holiday and in the end, I did not make use of the holiday to actually go out. I actually just stayed at home except going out for lunch in Bugis area with my parents. My life is so typically boring. My friends whom I always hang out with are not many though my contacts in my phone are plenty. Is this just me or is this because I am not sociable enough? If I had a bf, I would spent all my weekends and holidays with him instead. I find it really hard for myself to actually like someone even amongst my friends. Maybe I should build more opportunity for myself by making more friends. Not by internet but by knowing or introduction of friend's friends is the best way to start off. But so far, the only friend's friends that were being introduced to me are normally from my school or lecture mates. Jo did previously introduced Luther to me formally and officially and we did start off together as friends then into a very short-term relationship. Did such failure scared friends off from introducing their own friends to me for fear that they may introduce another wrong guy to me again?
Sometime I really wish that it is okie to be in a few relationships and then learn from there, at least I get some experience from being in a relationship. Everytime I wanna put myself into a relatonship seriously, things dun last or things just dun go my way. Sometimes it really makes me fear of really having something, cause it may just be taken away from that sooner or later. I dun seemed to attract guys as much as I used to do. I was never from the start felt that I was good-looking or not bad looking. I'm just average looking to many guys but different guys have different views. Perhaps it's because of my dao look? I ain't that jovial as people think I am. I have my own troubles and worries. In fact, sometimes I do feel lonely. Being single may be good to those attached out there, but believe to someone who has been almost single all her life or I should put it this way. To someone who has not been always single and have not been in a relationship for some time, will find that it is always good to be loved by someone, who cares for you and has that someone whom you can talk and cuddle upon is always better than being single. Perhaps it was due to my being pampered and controlled by my parents in the past, I feel that a person will grow and mature if we experience from all walks of life.
I did not intend to write such a long entry, seemed like the more I talk about such topics, the more I would have things to say. And all these are what have been pondering in my mind for so long and never told anyone about this. I had hoped that I could find a job during the holidays and once results are out, if confirmed that I may not be able to carry on with studies, I will have to start looking for a full-time perm job again like two years ago in Kestronics. In the meantime, if I'm not able to find a temp job as yet, hopefully, Pulley Ascent will be able to give me a job there again.....
Labels: holidays, Life, Rantings
[x] Shireen signing out at