The other time, I had a dream. The dream was everyone in my family and relatives planned a surprise wedding proposal and wedding for me and I saw the groom was Andre. I woke up the next morning when my alarm rang and suddenly I recalled the past. I miss the man who said those nice things asking me to be his girlfriend in Tanjong Rhu. How the words still rings in my head. That was the time I saw him being really serious with me. I miss the man who patiently taught me to cycle and felt heartpain for me when I fell on the ground. I miss the man who suddenly appear at my doorstep at night, travelling all the way from Tampines then and rang me and asked me "If I want desserts open the door now". I miss the man that isn't afraid to show publi displays of affection for me in public areas and I especially miss the man that is never afraid and constantly able to express his love to me by saying "I love you so much". I miss this man that made me fell in love with him. But I know now that he will never be that Andre Lee I used to know 4 months back. After those 4 months was the time he started to change. All those things that I mentioned were things that he did that touched me and I felt so sincere from him. I think even though he says that he never wanted to break up with me and asked me to give him time to make it up to me were just saying it for the sake of saying. He will never feel what it means by losing me. I think he will never feel indifferent without having me in his life at all. I just have to let go of him. I won't be pinning what he will do to win me back. It's been almost a month since I last initiated it, and if he really want me back, he wouldn't have not taken any action. If I had meant something to him, he would have tried to do something about it. He says he'll try to change and be like the past but I believe that no one can change him. When the love feeling is lost, it's lost forever. I just cannot keep thinking that he will come look for me and change for me. If it weren't for his character like that or treating me like this, I guess he is perfect to me in my eyes. I can't stop comparing other guys with him though I know their characters will be so much better than him and will treat me better than him. I just hope that 2011 will be a better year for me and I just hope that I can go for my holiday now so I can getaway from all this.

Labels: break up, love, Rantings, updates

[x] Shireen signing out at
8:54 PM