I happened to read an article in March issue of Cleo that I felt is so true and would like to share it with everyone. Whatever it mentions in there not to do, I actually do it. That is probably why I couldn't attract people or have lots of friends like men or women around me. One of those advice given was also said by my Uncle Robert in KL just recently. The reason why certain girls are able to attract many people be it the females or males to get to know her and befriend her is the way of one's ability and keenness to talk to someone. How we can make anyone fall in love with you is to focus our time and energy on others. Many can have the misconception that a truly charismatic and attractive person is to focus on ourself by talking a lot and wearing the right clothes. But we should be confident and comfortable enough in ourselves to focus our time and energy on others. Posture and the way we stand or sit affects how approachable we seem. Postures like having our palms opened and arms uncrossed can also make us appear more sociable to an outsider. (Me: I always cross my arms, no wonder I always dun seemed approachable to others)

Keep constant eye contact when talking with the person. If we look at someone 75% of the time when they are talking to us, it triggers the lurve hormone of the person. It can make the other person feel attracted to you. On the other hand, a waver in eye contact can make men think you're not interested. You can remain aloof but always be kind and courteous when delaing with people. (Me: I always dun feel comfortable looking at people in the eye when talking esp from the opposite sex be it if I'm interested in the person or not. So I must improve on this part for a start)

Women are hard to impress and there's a fine line between seeming confident and intimidating people. A charismatic person will adapt their behaviour to suit each person. For people who are extroverted, throw them a joke or compliment about their dressing and they'll appreciate your confidence. For people who are introverted, keep your tone quieter and avoid strong words. The power of keeping relationships together and attracting people is making them feel like you are on their side when they're feeling miserable. It is important that you make them feel like they have back-up as people want support. The key here is to listen both with your ears and eyes. We all would want to be heard and to feel important. Looking at them directly when they are speaking will make them feel that we are really interested in what they are saying and that they have our undivided attention. The skill is to keep our mouth shut and let them have their say before we jump in to speak. Get into the habit of listening and not speaking straightaway. (Me: Whatever it says here is exactly what my uncle in KL said. It seems like he wrote this article or have read this. He said must listen then think first before we speak or reply. Got a lot to learn from this part)

For our workplace, if we are new to the company, we need to get to know our new workmates, so ask questions but not to be too probing. Look for the hidden meaning in what people says. Friendliness is important but nobody likes a goody two-shoes and a bit fire could fan the work friendship flames. Respond to people with a bit of spark about them. State your views and be yourself even if it's not what everyone else is thinking. Listen to what others have to say even if you don't agree.

If the waiter takes ages to get to your table or you have to run for the bus every morning once the bus driver drives past you, you could be accidentally sending out the wrong messages. The need to wear low-cut top and seduce them with a sexy glance? It's easier just to acknowledge any service person by treating them like a human being and make them look valued. Say something like "It's really busy, you're doing a great job" when they looked tired. (Me: This part seemed a little too hypocritical. No one would really say that. But even if someone do say that, no wonder the waiter may think that you are interested in him)

As for those who seem to attract others, the answer couldlie in body language - smiling. No one can fake / force a smile. A genuine smile has eye muscles and eyebrows in on the action, and it's something we subconsciously pick up on. To give out confidence signals, we must keep our chest out and straight, don't cross our arms. Be purposeful with our walk and look ahead. Keep our shoulders straight and not hunched. (Me: I do the exact opposite for all these advices, no wonder I could not attract any men to approach or befriend me anytime. No wonder I discover now that I truly don't have much good friends. I've got to work on these!)

Labels: attraction, Life, views

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