I would say my relationship lately has not been very smooth sailing. We had disagreements and misunderstandings but we eventually patched it up rather quickly. Most of the disagreements was his time spent with me was little. It is as little as we only get to meet like once a week. He always ends up working then got very tired the day itself or lasted the next day where he don't even feel like going out of the house. Otherwise he will be busy doing his mum's stuffs. I can't believe much things there are to do for a Chinese afterdeath process. It's gonna last for the next 100 days I think. He already has so little time spent for himself due to work is draining all his time, energy and strength; yet he is not making the effort to meet me. I don't care where we go or what we do as long as I get to meet him and spend time with him, even staying at home renting DVDs to watch is fine. But we're not even doing that yet though we mentioned many times. We even mentioned cooking instead of going out to eat. He doesn't have the proper cooking utensils at home so the only best way is to do it at my house. But my parents or at least my dad is always at home. Besides, he haven't even stepped into my house ever since he came back from UK in July. At first, my parents felt that he shouldn't enter our house so quickly just after his mum passsed away. He had thought this was an obstacle but it's been more than a month now, they don't mind by now. But I haven't met him in a week now. The last time I met him was last Tuesday and we went for dinner and movie. He was so grudgy towards the end of the movie cause it was late by the time he get back. I am trying not to complain so much now after last Sunday's quarrel. I just have to bear with all this. Even my sis says that he chooses to work. He was working on Sunday yesterday and I'm still waiting for him to initiate meeting up with me sometime soon. He works every weekend now except last Sat where he was badly ill and I didn't even get to see him. I need to seek his permission in order to visit him at his house at least which I didn't even say he must fetch me back. He falls ill easily these days all because he works too much. We haven't even spoke on the phone for two days as he's been working during the weekends where he just sleeps all the way till the next morning when he reaches home at 6pm or before. I wanted to say sarcastically (using sms-es) that I thought my bf was dead in his house but I didn't say in the end. I am trying to be understanding towards his work and job that he will want me to have a good life in future but if we're not even spending time together now, what will our future be like? This is supposed to be our sweet honeymoon dating period but I can't even remember how much time we actually spend together. I mark on my dairy how many times we meet in a month and i think 3-4 times a month only. That is how bad it is. Sometimes I wonder if he really does need a gf or all he needs is just his work and think of his future plans. I want to care for him but he is not giving me this chance. Anyone who is reading my blog, just read it and keep it in your heart. Don't tell anyone about this as I'm just trying to pour out all these thoughts and feelings to someone. don't even bring it up and mention to me that you have read it.

I even think that what difference will it make when I get so upset about not spending my first Xmas with him this year and he acts so nonchalant about it. I haven't even brought up the issue on inviting him over for early Xmas celebration with my family. I'll be at the airport during Xmas waiting to depart for Haerbin for our annual post-Xmas end of the year family holiday. I don't even know whether he will come to see me off then. I'll be gone to Msia for few days with my family as usual during CNY too where next year I am supposed to be not alone this time. But it seems that I don't have a choice of saying I don't want to go. To him, I guess life still goes on for him and he probably enjoys the time I am not around. No point thinking about it now. I'll just see how it goes and his reaction and all. I just hope that he won't be hoping one week before Xmas at least so he will be able to not feel tired and join my family for Xmas BBQ as this year, I finally get to bring a companion after so many years...In fact, I never brought any bfs home before so I hope he'll be the first and last...