I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year. At first I was excited cause I can get to celebrate Xmas with "someone" this year. But after I found out my departure date to my holiday is on Xmas Day itself plus he will be overseas till end Dec, my hopes were dashed. But this year definitely will not be a good Christmas for me as I am again left to celebrate Xmas without that someone beside me even if he were still be in Singapore. I just initiated to break up last Sat and it's not because I do not love him anymore. It's just that he doesn't give me the feeling that he loves me anymore. He's been constantly pushing away or finding excuses to meet me on Deepavali holiday. Even after he has promised to go watch movie and fulfil my wish of going with him to see i Light at Marina Bay which was ending last Sunday, he told me he is having fever the night before. I was looking forward to finally go out with him on date after so long. Since 15-Aug till today, we haven't been going out town. I was utterly disappointed at him finding excuses again. He hasn't apologised or text me the whole Friday to say he was still not well to go out with me. He doesn't even spare of thought of my feelings. I guess this is the only time I can say farewell to this relationship. This isn't the first time he's given me such excuses. If he really loves me or am serious with me, no matter what, whether he is sick or not, he will want to see his gf badly. But yet, I am not getting that from him. Before he went UK, he can travel all the way to Jurong at nite on a weekday to surprise me at my door to say he missed me so he came all the way, but after his mum passed away, things changed. I just text him on Sat to ask if he was going to church as mentioned by himself on Thursday, he said "See how 1st, I am still not well". I said I will go to his house to see him on Sunday after church, he says no need, he need to rest, he is stressed. I said I have things to discuss with him. I wanted to meet him face-to-face and talk about us and perhaps may end up me breaking up with him too eventually. He asked me discuss what and I said, meet then you'll know. And he just text me, "In that case, I do not want to see you." I sms and say, "Ok fine. Let's break up." And I haven't heard from him since. I do not know whether he accepted my suggestion or was he once again giving ourselves some time to cool down and think about it so he's not replying anything. No matter what I text him to ask him for an answer or whether he accepted it with silence means consent to my suggestion or he just wants time for himself before he decides but yet there is no reply. I just can't think that he will not want to know the reason of my decision like that.

Anyway, I told myself to give a week before I officially pronounce that we're through. Saturday my status on Sat will change back to single but I haven't told my family yet. Intend to break the news to them on Sat / Sunday. I will have to bear all the questioning and answering from friends and family. Just to see if he eventually will reply to me or not. But on Tuesday I sort of knew that no matter I give one week or 1 month, he may not reply me period. I just hope he can deal with this more like adults instead of ending it this way. That really shows that he doesn't care about me anything so I shouldn't hope that he will still contact me even after some time. Do not ask me why I did that decision or not. I just believe that he is probably not serious in me anymore and that I definitely should move on and find someone better. I am strong dun worry. I haven't shed a tear yet and it's not that I don't love him. It's just that I do not have an answer from me whether he accepts the breakup or not but I definitely have to move on since I am not getting any reply from him. It's sad that my relationship is short but yet I learn a lot from this relationship. How to love someone and the happy times and sad times of being in love. At least I have experienced being in love though it's painful at times but there are happy moments too...